My Heart, Just a Postcard Away
by VanishRain
Summary: Booth has finally taken a promotion and is moving. With a few days before he leaves, Brennan must convince him not only to stay but to both of them that she is really worth staying for. With everyone is against her, she will find faith in unlikely places.
1. Chapter 1

"Why all doom and gloom today?" Angela taps on my doorframe, concern and slight smug written all over her face.

I slightly glance up and let out an exacerbated sigh. There is no reason to tell her why I am upset, even the nightly janitor knows. I may not be one to gossip but I do hear things and this has been going around for the last two weeks. The whole world knows, waiting and watching as my world crumbles bit by bit.

All that is left now is a world completely shallow and empty. A world without Seeley Booth in it.

This sucks.

"After all the promotions they were throwing at his way, didn't you think he would take at least one?" She enters my office and practically growls at me, "We are all sick of you thinking the world revolves around you. His world may have but the rest of the world revolves just fine without you."

"I know exactly what the world revolves around but if you are trying to get at some metaphor I neither understand nor care about what you are saying. Just leave me alone." I slump back in my chair, defeated.

Everyone knows what today means to me, the beginning of the first week of the rest of my life, and if their constant barrage of checking on me and inviting me to events I neither care about nor want to go to are any indication, it is going to be a very long week. Why won't everyone just leave me alone? There is only one man I want and in twelve hours he will be officially out of my life.

I attempt to wave her off and resume my mindless daydreams of what could been but she just steps further into my office, making her presence known by pushing all my papers off my desk.

"Hey! Those were my…"

"Stop thinking of just yourself for once Bren. This sucks for all of us but it is not about us. It is about Booth and him doing what is best for his son. Think of Parker. This will be good for him. Don't you want what is best for Parker?"

"Of course I want what is best for Parker. You may be blind to the fact but I do love Parker." I glare, snarling at the woman I once thought was my best friend, "You just don't understand, Angela." I bark, waving a protein bar in her direction, "You don't understand what we had."

"Oh I know exactly what you had. Everyone knew what you had. That is, except you Bren. You never knew what you had… the perfection that was right before you until it was too late. He spent seven years of his life chasing after you and for what? So you could go and flaunt your sexual prowl in his face?"

"I did not flaunt anything. I was very discrete in my sexual endeavors."

"So what would you call all those boyfriends you had? You almost married one of them! Don't say they were all for nothing."

"They were… he was… I was lonely, okay? I was completely heartbroken and lonely." I mutter, refusing letting the tears fall. "I still am."

"Then why didn't the great Temperance Brennan actually do something about it instead of wallowing in self pity? There is more out there in this world then bones and your unequivocal science. When you find out what that entails, tell me then maybe just then you will get what you want… who you want."

"Shut up." I begin picking at the protein bar in my hand until it is mere crumbs. "Just… shut up."

"He wouldn't want you to eat just that for lunch." She smirks at the crumbs that are now covering my desk, "Why don't we go to the diner."

"No!" I stand and begin pacing around my increasingly small office, "I am sick and tired of everyone just pretending that everything is okay. Everything is not okay, Angela. Everything is horribly wrong and no one seems to care! You all pretend that the world will be fine but for me it won't be. You just like seeing me suffer! You all are sick. Sick and evil." I spit, narrowing my eyes out the doorway to world beyond.

"Ha! So she is in there… admit it… admit what we all know…"

"Get out!" I glare. I am sick of the prodding and poking. I will admit my feelings when I please, now everyone just leave me alone!

"Sweetie, I just thought…"

"Out Angela! Out!" I growl, lunging at the perky figure before me.

She turns and quickly runs out of my office, making a b-line for the platform.

"Your turn Hodgie. And you might want to wear some protective equipment. She is out for blood."I hear her laugh as she resumes her descent into her office.

I lean down to gather the papers that are now scattered across the floor and one paper catches my eye. It is a list of new FBI agents they believe will be a great asset to the Jeffersonian. I roll my eyes in utter disbelief. It does not matter how many lists they send me or how many meetings I have to have, I am not going to have another partner.

I have one partner and one alone. A partner that is leaving me for a better position, hundreds of miles away. Maybe I am being selfish. My eyes suddenly close at the realization that there is only one person in this building that holds the answer I have been searching the last seven for. Only one person knows where his heart lies.

I stand and walk the few feet to her office. I freeze a foot from her doorway and watch the world around me suddenly stop as my heart aches for the realization I have always known the answer.

'Yes, yes he does.'

With a gasp my hard rattles against the doorframe, sending me back to my reality.

"Ca... Cam?" My voice wavers as the lab becomes silent, everyone focusing on the shattered woman who finally makes herself known. Great, maybe I should have worn black today. Then they wouldn't have noticed.

"Oh, Dr. Brennan… I didn't notice you there." Cam closes a folder and looks up, "You are actually wearing colour this evening." She genuinely smiles at me but we both know it is out of pity. "Blue does look nice on you."

I shrug and nod lightly in acknowledgement, the one day in the last month I have worn anything besides black and everyone seems to comment. Maybe I should go back to black. I am already dead inside, what would it matter? With a sigh, I slide into the chair in front of her desk.

"Cam… I know we have never been much of friends but I just thought…"

"Anything I can do to help you through this difficult time, Dr. Brennan?" She extends her hand out to mine, reassuringly stroking it.

"I just have one question." The world before me begins to slowly blur as the floodgates are released and the tears flow, "You don't have to answer but…" I slowly ramble.

"Anything."

"Did he really love me?... Does he really love me?"

"I am not sure I am the one to answer that question but if you want my opinion as his best friend, it was clear I was never the woman for him. You know who was."

I slowly nod, letting reality finally set in.

"And Cam?" I stand and make the slow descent back to my office.

"I have cleared your schedule of all professional obligations. I will see you next week, Dr. Brennan."

"Thanks." My voice cracks as my body begins to sway as the pain begins to slowly ravish my body from the inside out.

"Just promise me one thing."

I turn to her and shrug, leaning in the doorframe.

"Finally be honest with him. Tell him the truth. Let him make his choice knowing your side of things."

"But he won't answer my calls…" I choke out as I fall into a pitiful heap on the tile floor.

"There are other ways of reaching him, Dr. Brennan."

I slowly pluck my keys out my pocket and sigh. At least I will get to see him one more time.


	2. Chapter 2

As the elevator lightly dings I feel my heart constrict in my chest. Three more floors… just three more floors and I will have to exit the safety of this small box and enter the pits of hell, my hell, the one I created. Why do I feel so alone?

The doors slide open as we reach the fourth floor and my heart sinks. Out of all the people in this building this rat had to enter this elevator. I hate incompetent people and more so, I hate ex-boyfriends. An incompetent ex-boyfriend? Well he just takes the cake…. And the frosting… and the whole freaking building!

See this is why I need Booth… and his gun. But mostly Booth… and maybe the gun, just a little.

"Agent Sullivan." I grind out, glaring him into oblivion.

"Tempe!"

"Don't be so happy to see me." I bark, refusing to look to my left.

"I have not seen you since I got back a year ago and this is how you greet me?"

"I enjoyed it that way. You were useless at best." My eyes slowly dart to the man beside me grinning ear to ear. I know that smile all too well; the man only wants one thing.

"But what about the sex? We did have great sex…"

"I would rather fornicate with a rat."

"I am sure that will change in a few weeks. It won't be official until tomorrow but… I am your new liaison. Pretty great, huh?"

"They assigned YOU to me? Oh hell no. There has to be a mistake. Clearly they have lost the capacity of reasoning. This is… this is…"

"Perfection? Just think about it, it can be like old times we can solve cases together then go home together. You get to see me all day, every day!" He beams.

"You know that rat…" I turn, "I would rather it be a dead rat. A purified, dead rat would be better in bed then you."

Just then the doors slide open and I run out the doors as fast as my feet will carry me.

"But Tempe…" He runs after me.

"Don't Tempe me!" I yell, causing all the agents in the hallway to turn and stare directly at me. "I am Dr. Brennan to you."

"But you loved me!"

"Ha!"I stand in front of the door of Booth's office and smirk, "You were just a… what is it they call it…" I try to force my mind to remember one of the numerous phrases Booth uses but the lack of substance and sleep has turned my brain to mush, "uh… you were a… pawn. I only used you to get Booth jealous so he would actually act but clearly my plan failed. "

"Awe Tempe…" I glare and he sheepishly blushes, "Dr. Brennan… you don't mean that. You know you love me!"

"I love one agent and clearly isn't you. Sully you were a mistake."I turn to him to glare. "I love Booth, not you."

I turn around and my voice gets caught in my throat as I come crashing down in a pitiful heap.

"Bones?" The kneeling man before me whispers, his shaking hands cup my face and as the tears begin to flow I know this is only the beginning.


	3. Chapter 3

My eyes dart across the small room I have come to know all too well. My eyes finally make it to the pictures on the wall before me and I slightly cringe. In the middle is a picture of Booth, Sweets and I at least year's F.B.I awards ceremony. I would give anything to just have a second chance of that night. It was the best night of my life and if I knew then what I know now, I would have never let him let me go.

But I did let him go. I let him go all too easily. Instead of being the strong willed woman I once was, I was a meek, meager speck of that woman. And I let that man run as far away as he could.

And run he did. I told him I loved him and he ran.

Didn't they always say I would be the one to run?

So now I sit here for one last session of partner's counseling… screw it. It was always couple's counseling. He was always my Booth and I was all his Bones but never his Temperance.

"She won't say anything… she just watches me." My eyes dart back to the man before as he stands and paces, "See! See! Like that." He points at me and glares, "How am I supposed to work with that?"

"I am right here…" I grunt, "As quite as you seem to think you are neither quite or being considerate. I can still hear you…"

"See why I left! I cannot take this… I cannot take her anymore." He turns away from me and my heart shatters into a thousand pieces as the daggers of hate imbed my soul. When did we become so broken… so shattered… just partners?

"I tell you I love you and this is your response?" My voice cracks. I try to rationalize my emotions but it is utterly useless, all my rationalizing went out the window the day this man decided to walk out of my life.

No amount of reasoning or compartmentalizing will ever fix the mess I have become. Only one man and one truth will solve all my nightly woes and as my heart shatters before him, I know this will be the debt I will have to pay for the mistakes I have made. I love him. I always have, I always will. But somehow my always will never be good enough. Somehow I will never be good enough.

"You didn't tell me you love me… you told Sully you did. For all I know you were just trying to get him off your back. We all know how you feel about him… the world knows how you feel about him." He gestures widely, rolling his eyes for emphasis.

"So I stopped my duties as anthropologist to drive here to NOT see my ex-boyfriend? If I didn't want to see my ex-boyfriend I would have not come here. I would have stayed at the lab, far away from you and him but I didn't. I came here to talk to you but clearly you have already made up your mind. It is obvious there is nothing I can say or do to change that. Apparently being your partner only counts when it is convenient for you, in such matters as your socks or your hair. But you can move across the country and even though it has direct implications on me and my work environment, I have no say in the matter."

"Agent Booth" Sweets folded his hands in his lap, turning to him, "What do you think of this development?"

"I am still moving to Seattle." He barks, sliding back into the couch next to me but refusing to give me the satisfaction of a glance.

"See! Everyone rambles on and on about how if I just tell him how I feel, it will magically fix everything and he will stay. Nothing will. He is still leaving." I slowly begin picking at my skirt, "He is still leaving… me."

"I am not…"

"Here we go again… all the reasons why his leaving is not my fault."

"Have you ever thought about the fact that I may not be doing this for myself? I may have other reasons… better reasons for moving beside the ones you seem to have conjured up while ignoring me."

"Yeah, she is tall, blonde and has the I.Q. of a fry."

"Hey! I will have you know I am not dating anyone. The woman you saw me with last week was my realtor, I do need a place to live while I am out there. That is unless you want me to live in a cardboard box."

"Uh huh." I poke him in the shoulder, "I saw the way you looked at her. You thought she was sexually appealing. I know your type."

"So… great Temperance Brennan, who exactly is my type?" He finally turns to me and glares.

"Great legs… tall… sexually promiscuous…"

"Ha! You are really funny, you know that? Really funny. I may be a legs man but I in no way date sexually promiscuous women, what type of example would that be setting for Parker?"

"I have seen the type of woman you… require."

"I require? What am I, an experiment?"

"Your needs as a man. As a sexually appealing man of your stature I am sure you have certain sexual needs that need to be met."

"I have not…" He turns away and blushes, "I have not made love in four years. Those needs are long since gone. What about you little miss boyfriend-of-the-week, how long as it been?" He chuckles lightly and the flicker in his eyes only means one thing, he knows I have been caught.

My mind begins to race as snapshots of all my past sexual encounters flutter through. The few memorable ones make me tense but as they become more and more recent, the sex becomes mediocre at best. Eight years ago I had the best sex of my life but soon things had changed and I could only find myself thinking of one man, the one unobtainable man who changed my views on life, love and eternity.

As the years went on I tried to find a man that would at least quince my primal need for sex but those years quickly slipped through my fingertips. Soon I found myself wanting more and more of this illusive love he spoke of and less of the life I had once known. It wasn't until I found myself at my favorite bar unable to find any man desirable that my mind finally was set. As soon as Booth stepped into the room my heart soared and instantly shattered as I knew he was the only one in the room I knew I would never have. That was the night I knew I love him.

And ever since then, he was the only one I could think of in a capacity that includes my heart. Although that was three years ago, the butterflies have eternally taken hold of my body and have rock me down to the core every time that man enters the room. Even when I know it is much too late to salvage any of my hopes and dreams of a life with him, a part of me still lives in what I wished could be.

"I have had sex recently but…" I stand and walk to the window, watching the world pass me by as the tears cascade down and take hold of my one last standing stronghold of inner strength.

"Dr. Brennan?" Sweets asks, breaking the silence. "It would be wonderful if you would at least finish this session… for old time sake."

I slowly nod, refusing to look away from the window until I know his eyes are solely focused on me.

"You asked about love, making love." I turn to him, leaning back against the wall and placing my heart on my sleeve for the first time in years, "Never. I have never had anything more than primal animal urges… just pathetic sex." My eyes roll closed as waves of fear and relief cause my heart to shatter, "But making love… that is the one thing I now know that will make me complete and I know I will forever be broken."


	4. Chapter 4

"So Cam… your sexual experiences with Booth were adequate?" I twirl the straw in my glass absentmindedly, watching my troubles swirl round and round in the glass.

"Dr. Brennan, I am not sure if we should be discussing this. I may be your friend but I am still your boss."

"But I need to know." My eyes finally flutter up as the alcohol begins to burn, "Logically I need to know all the aspects I am giving up by signing this paper."

"So you still have not signed the form to assign you another agent?"

I reach in my purse, pull out a crumpled piece of paper and slide it in front of Cam.

"So that answers that one…" She slides it back and sighs. "I do have one question for you, if you don't mind me asking that is."

"Cam…" I slightly slur, "We are at the bar on a Tuesday night, all professional logistics have little meaning in this casual setting."

"I see you are still very… in touch with your scientific side while drunk."

"I don't know what you mean." I shrug, it is useless pretending to care, "But that was not a question, I assume you still have one?"

"Yes… so are you not signing this paper because you believe you signing it has some direct correlation to Seeley staying or do you feel as if you would be letting him down by signing this paper and in essence severing your partnership?"

"You sound just like Sweets." I groan before slamming the rest of my scotch.

"I know we have not always seen eye to eye or even been friends but over the years… you have sort of grown on me. I do care about you Dr. Brennan. Although Seeley was my friend first as I see it now, you both are my friends."

"And you want to know if this is going to affect my ability to perform my job duties sufficiently?"

"Well that too but…"

"I get it Cam." I let out an exacerbated breath, trying to weigh the pros and cons of confiding in someone who clearly has made up her mind about whose side she is on. "First, I will have you know I can sufficiently perform my duties as forensic anthropologist."

"But will you be happy?" She blurts out then blushes. "I mean… I am sure you have noticed but Dr. Brennan you have not smiled in weeks… you have not smiled since… well you know when."

"I have no clue what you are talking about." I shrug, motioning for another drink.

"Dr. Brennan you may think I am clueless to anything other than our objectives in the field but I am very aware of my surroundings. Three weeks and two days ago Booth came in your office to discuss his new promotion, ever since then you have been working until the wee hours of the morning, going home for a few hours then coming back and working eighteen hour days."

"Not every day!" I defensively glare.

"Well most days. And every other day you have spent here, getting drunk then calling one of us to pick you up. I don't mind doing any of this because I am more than your boss, I am your friend but if this continues I…"

"Cam! I am depressed… I need to see someone… I get it…" I bark, shaking my glass in her direction, "You are going to tell me what everyone else has been telling me for the last three weeks. 'I love him, I need to stop pretending he isn't hurting me, I need to get over him' I have heard it all Cam! I am sick of everyone belittling my feelings." I begin to slowly sob, "Don't you think if I could get him to stay I would? If he needs money he can have my whole bank account! I don't care about any of those things anymore. All I care about is him leaving me."

My head comes crashing down on the counter as I let the tears of the last three weeks envelope me and take hold of my body. I shake violently until I feel a soft reassuring hand rub light circles on my back.

"Have you ever thought of telling him this, Dr. Brennan?" She whispers softly as my shaking ceases.

"But he doesn't care." I finally look up, letting her into the pits of eternal hell without him, "If he cared he would stay."

"Just tell him. He needs to understand what his leaving is doing to you."

"But I told him I love him, what else can I say?" I choke out before the tears take hold once more.

"You are smart and known him better than anyone else, just think about it and I am sure it will come to you." She smiles at me once more before grabbing her coat and standing, "Now I have to get home to a teenager that is currently destroying my apartment. Will you be okay?"

I nod, forcing a smile on my face. It is not until she reaches the door that I gather the strength to speak.

"Thanks Cam."

"Anytime Dr. Brennan. Just remember one thing, he loves you too."

I shrug and turn back to the bottle before me. I take one last swig of the liquid and let out a sigh as I collapse in a heap on the counter.

"You know you shouldn't put your head on the counter like that, you are gonna smash up that pretty little face of yours." I hear bellowing behind me and I gasp.

"Jared?" I jerk up and smile.

"In the flesh." He beams, "Now what are you doing here on a Tuesday? Shouldn't you be out knocking boots with Seeley?"

"I wish" I mumble before letting my head fall onto his chest, "Jared… can I ask you something?"

"Sure Tempe. Anything." He smiles, picking my beer up and drinking the rest, "Man that tastes good… almost as good as you."

"Why is your brother running from me?"

"He's an idiot." He slurs, "Why don't you come back to my place and we'll talk?" He winks and the twinkle in his eyes says he only wants one thing.

Internally I knew I shouldn't have gone but being a woman who hasn't felt the touch of a man in months craved any comfort I could get. As he slowly carries me to his car I feel the hallow pit in my stomach begin to grow. This just reconfirms what I have always known; he is the only one that will make me whole.

My eyes slowly roll closed as I force myself to a happier place. A time where I was with the man I love. Even if he didn't know I love him, at least I had him.

"I'll love you forever…" I whisper into the wind, hoping I could stay in that place always, "Forever…"


	5. Chapter 5

As the morning rays slowly cascade in the dimly lit room I am suddenly jerked from my dreams into a head pounding nightmare. How much alcohol did I have last night? Oh yeah, a lot. No wonder Booth never lets me drink as much as I did. Breakfast fills my senses and I smile, pancakes just how I like it. I hope he remembered the chocolate chips.

"You made me breakfast…" I slowly roll over and fall into a heap on the floor, "Oomph, Booth the breakfast may not be worth the abuse you put me through." I giggle as I sit up, trying to keep the room from spinning.

"Seeley, Seeley, Seeley, will you just shut up about him, please? I try to be the good guy and take you in, and what do I get? First you throw up on my bushes then you spend the night rambling on and on about how much you love my brother. Normally I would find that whole screwed ex-lover bit hot but he is my brother! There are some things a man can get over due to your hotness but screwing my brother is not one of them."

My eyes suddenly jerk open and I gasp. This is not the last place I remember. Cam was leaving to take care of Michelle and I drank… oh… I knew I shouldn't have had that scotch.

"Now sit, eat and shut up." He places a plate of eggs on my lap then glares, "Don't get any on my carpet."

"But what about the pancakes?" I whine. "Booth would have made me pancakes."

"Well I ain't my brother and I had to sleep alone… listening to you ramble about that idiot brother of mine so you get eggs. I get the pancakes."

"But Booth would…"

"Booth at least gets to bang you, Tempe. I know men and the only reason he did those things for you was in his eyes he was getting some tail."

"You have no manners, Jared. None at all." I begin to lightly sob, "The least you can do is at least give me one. All I ask for is something that resembles food."

"Tempe you got a great rack but I…"

"So I see you brought another one of your special friends for a night of Booth lovin'… please tell me she is dressed this time Jar." Booth chuckles, barreling in the apartment carrying a paper bag, "Pops wanted you to have some stuff and since I was in the area…"

"Booth." My voice is a mere broken whisper but within seconds he is at my side.

"Jared if you laid a hand on her I swear…"

"Ha, funny one bro. Why don't you tell him what you were doing all night last night, Tempe."

"I think I drank…" I press my hands to my head to stop the thumping, "I think I drank too much."

"Jared! You know she cannot handle her liquor. Any hard liquor and she is toast." He cups my face, running his thumb over the red streaked covering my face, "Did he hurt you baby?"

"Ha! I told you, you two where hitting the sheets!"

"Jared!" He turns and glares, refusing to relent his grip on my face, "We are just partners."

"I may be a drunk but I do know that 'baby' does not count as a partner term. You love her, admit it Seeley. You want to at least bang her." He holds up his glass, taking a big swig before slamming it back down, "At least one of us can get their hands on her tight little…"

"Jared!" He instantly drops his hands and storms over to his brother, "Is that..." He takes the glass and sniffs it then glares. "You're drinking at nine a.m.! Did you even try to feed her or have you lost any sense of being a gentleman?"

"I let her sleep on the couch! Got her a blanket too!"

"Ohhh big man. Couldn't even give up your bed for one night." He clenches his fists and glares, "Better yet, she didn't even want to sleep on your bed… who knows what diseases she could catch."

"Maybe I shouldn't have given her breakfast then." He prods the eggs still in the pan and grins, "Just called you to come fix her mess. What is she gonna do when you are gone, Seel? You better save up all those frequent flyer miles now if you are going to come to her rescue every time she does something stupid. She may be a genius but that woman is really, really dumb."

Before anyone knows it Booth is holding Jared but the hem of his shirt, dangling him over the hot coils of the stove.

"That is not eggs, that is garbage." He drops Jared in a heap on the ground then storms back over to my pitiful mound. "Are you ready to go, Bones or do I need to get your things?"

My eyes slowly roll back in my head at his touch. His rough yet delicate fingers dance across my shoulder, drawing me back to a fantasy where it was just him and I, merely lovers on the road of life.

"Bones… Bones…" He shakes me lightly, waking me from my stupor.

"Yes, honey?" I beam, "You have really pretty eyes…"

"Oh God." He places his hand on his forehead and sighs, "I don't know what you did to her Jared but when I find out and if you hurt her, that stove will be the least of your worries."

I giggle as his grabs me, throwing him over his shoulder and carrying me out of the room.

"That tickles… Booth…" I laugh, "Stop!" I thrash my body against his back but am soon pacified by his strong arms clenching me tighter.

"See ya Jared… we will talk about this later." He turns and glares then continues his march down the hall.

"She loves you Seel. Honest to God she does. She wouldn't shut up about it all night." Jared yells and Booth instantly stops, turning to face his brother. "That is what I thought." He smirks, "Why do you think she has been getting plastered every night since you sent her that official notice? She loves you and can't imagine… no… can't bare a day without you. This is the real deal dude. She. Loves. You."

And in that second my heart drops into my stomach and I feel the bile begin to rise up. My secret is reveled. As the butterflies begin to slow, I feel somehow relieved.

"It's true…" I slur, "I love you… I… I want to marry you." I blurt out before my fear takes hold of me and everything I have eaten in the last twenty four hours splatters across the kitchen tile.

"Oh great," Jared groans, "Seeley you are cleaning that up!"


	6. Chapter 6

"Come on…" He holds the fork up to my lips, "Just one more bite."

"No!" I bark waving my hand at the fork, causing the brownie crumbles to scatter across the couch, "I'm not hungry."

"You ate one slice of pizza and one bite of a breadstick. I know you love brownies so stop lying and just eat this stupid thing."

"You're a stupid thing." I glare, "A really stupid thing."

"One, I am not a thing… I am a man." He glares, waving the fork to emphases his point.

"Ha!" I lightly chuckle, pushing farther back against the arm of the couch.

"I am going to ignore that statement because you're clearly still drunk."

"I am not drunk… I am tired." I attempt to yawn but fail horribly and just end up flailing my arms around my apartment like an idiot. "If you were a man you would kiss me!" I slightly slur then quickly recover, grinning from ear to ear.

With a quick eye roll and slight grin he lifts the fork once more.

"Come on baby I am tired…" He finally relents, running his hand over his clearly warn features, "please?"

"Nope, still tired and I am NOT anyone's baby."

"When you are tired you… first deny it until I find you passed out at your desk and second you don't yawn." He yawns.

"That may be true… but I am still tired." I stick out my tongue and in that spit second he pushes the fork into my mouth. I chew slightly then open my mouth at him.

"You can't make me chew…" I giggle, "Now you eat it!"

"You're worse than Parker!" He snarls, throwing the fork back on the plate. "If you don't want to eat then don't. I am not longer your keeper. Starve, I don't care." He grabs his coat off the back of the couch before practically running out of my apartment; even if I had some life threatening disease and was contagious he would never run this quickly away from me.

"Fine… just leave me." I begin to lightly sob, "Just leave me like everyone else has."

"You know what Bones…" He barks and quickly turns back to me, glaring, "Oh now what did I do now?" His face quickly softens and he slowly steps toward the couch.

"Nothing… just nothing… go." I look up through blood-shot eyes and glare. "That is all you are good at doing anyway." I whisper as my eyes slowly slide back down to my lap.

"That is not true, Bones and you know that." He takes a few more steps and stops.

"No you are good at getting shot, making me think you are dying… dying on the operating table and falling into a coma then leaving me to take some big shot job. No Booth" I finally look back up, letting my pain radiate my being, "you are not like everyone else… you have perfected leaving me when you said you never would. At least everyone else made it known it was a possibility they were going to leave. You promised me you were never going to leave me and what are you doing? You are leaving. You can believe what you want but facts are facts. You are a liar." I hiss, letting the tears finally fall.

"I know it does not make sense now but in time you will come to understand that what I am doing is for your benefit, not what convoluted idea you have for me leaving but the truth, that my leaving is out of my concern for you." He frowns, slowly turning as he places his coat on and slowly walks toward the door.

"And to think I actually wanted to marry you." I mutter and it stops him dead in his tracks.

"What?" He whispers as his body shakes lightly, "What did you say?"

"Nothing, it doesn't matter anyway. Just go… and do whatever it was you had planned, whatever it was that is more important than me… than us."

"We are just partners, Bones. There is no us." His voice cracks and for the first time all day he lets his fragility show through.

"And whose fault is that Mr. I-need-to-be-an-alpha-male?"

"Maybe if you weren't so independent and so hard to crack then maybe… just maybe I would… you know what? It doesn't matter. Have it your way, think what you want."

"See this is why love and marriage is stupid… it all so stupid."

"No it isn't Bones. Love is a marvelous thing. In its perfect form it rights all the wrongs we have ever faced and keeps the world spinning."

I watch as he slowly walks toward the door, waiting for me to say something to stop him but I just let him keep walking. He opens the door then turns back to me, slumping against the wall in defeat.

"I know there is some rational you have to belittle my feelings about love so let me have it… for old time sake."

My eyes flicker up as they etch every detail of the man before me into my memory. He looks so broken, so meek and ten years older than he did an hour ago. Whatever it is that is keeping him from staying is killing him slowly.

"Then why does it feel as though when you are not near my world stops spinning and I cease to exist? Why is love nothing but heartbreak and pain?"I choked out while I slowly begin to shake; letting five years of world-shattering love come cascading down my fragile body, "Why won't you let me love you?"

As the tears begin to slowly run down his checks I know I have done the impossible and broke him. In my hate filled rage I assured myself that once the truth was out there then I would finally break free from the insanity he causes inside of me and go back to how it was before, before I ever knew what love was.

Then why do I feel like a part of me has died instead?


	7. Chapter 7

With every passing second of silence my heart shatters more, knowing that as each second passes the chance my words have made an impact diminishes. The man may pride himself on reading people but this deep secret I have held onto so long, I barely believe it. If it wasn't for the midnight sweats and the fleeting memories of a hallow life before him, I would pass it off as a figment of imagination. But the feeling I feel for him is real, it is real as an atom or the earth revolving around the sun. I know this to be fact.

I love him… and I always will.

Without notice he looks up at me and sighs, knowing I would not just open up and confess things willingly if I was not desperate. He glances down at his watch and blinks before turning his attention back to me.

"You love me? Ha!" He laughs, "Bones, you don't even believe in love. How can you possibly do something you don't even believe in?"

"Well… maybe I do now." I humbly speak, looking up at him and shaking, "Maybe you changed my views on things and I can't see myself without you. All I can see is that you showed me the perfection that love is and now are showing me the cold reality that I am unlovable. If you are incapable of loving me then no one can. When no one else wanted to even be around me, you were there. After all the verbal beatings and attempting to push you away, you believed in me and stayed. You were the first person to show me there is more out there then my logical reasoning… that maybe I was wrong." I lightly sob, waiting for the door to slam shattering any hope I had at redemption.

"You're just saying that because you don't want me to leave." He abruptly cuts me off, "You want to have me around so I can remind you to eat and sleep, nothing more."

"That is what you think, Booth? That is really all you think you are to me?" My voice breaks as reality sets in. Have I treated him that horribly that he believes I am only capable of using him? Maybe I am the one who is truly the failure. I cannot even convince my best friend that I care. I am pathetic and sad. My eyes roll back up and stare at him, knowing whatever verbal beating he is going to dish out I deserve.

He hesitates but slightly nods in response, staying a safe distance from me but at least moving into the apartment. Slight progress is still progress I guess.

My hands begin to slowly tremble as what I need to do hits me like a ton of bricks, over all the years I have divulged almost all of my secrets. Now it is down to one. My secret weapon is something that has not seen the light of day in years… ever since he 'died'. I promised myself on that day that I would never live with regret and would never have a need for it. But as I sit here, my soul barely clinging to life I find that it is my only chance to save the only relationship that has made any sense to me.

I stand and slowly make it to the hallway before I turn back to him. I lean against the wall to steady myself, knowing my next few words might cause my body to give in.

"Booth…" I whisper and he looks up, slightly distraught at the site before him, "I need to show you something… please stay." I practically grovel, hoping my legs don't give in.

He gives me a non-committal grunt and nod.

Within moments I am back in the living room standing before him and holding a mound of yellowed pages covered in red ink.

"This is the first draft of my first novel…" I speak, refusing to look up from the manuscript. "I know it may not seem like much but you should be able to find the answers you need in here. It is the unedited version, all my… mistakes" I cringe slightly as the word rolls off my lips, "and true intentions."

He takes the papers from me and lightly flips through the pages, stopping at first block of red ink. He reads the first sentence and looks up at me, I cringe.

"Andy's name was Seeley?" He almost whispers.

I nod slowly, refusing to look up from my feet.

"Bones… look at me…" He soothes, trying to coax my secret out, "Bones what are you trying to say?" He speaks with such innocence it almost shatters my already fragile heart.

"Booth… I… I… do you know why I refused to work any cases with you after our first case?" I slightly pause, refusing to give him time to answer, "I was scared… the emotions I felt for you were so intense… so real, they scared me. I had never felt anything close to what I felt when I was around you. You opened me up to the world in the few short weeks we worked together. I knew I couldn't go back to the way I was but I also knew I could not possibly deal with you rejecting me. So I… as illogical as it seems now… tried to rationalize my feelings away. I was… or at least I thought at the time I was successful but I have come to learn over the last few weeks that I was just pretending." I pause and step forward, placing my hands over his, "Booth, I have always loved you."

His eyes flutter down to the pages then back up at me.

"Bones... I…"

"I understand. You don't believe it would be fair to you for you to believe me now; after all we have been though. If you do not want a relationship I guess I will live with the consequences."

"No, that is not it." He rubs his thumbs over my hands, "I know this will sound awful but I have been up for days and really need sleep. I want to do this right, flesh out all the details without falling asleep on you." He clenches my hands tightly as I begin to shake, "I am not saying I don't want this… I just need some sleep. I am not running from you… just sleep. You got that Bones? Just sleep, nothing more."

I slightly nod, refusing to move and let him leave.

"Booth… you know I have a guest room… if you… don't want to drive home…" I hesitantly speak, unsure of his response.

"That sounds great, Bones." He briefly smiles, "On one condition… can I take these papers with me? You know… to read them?"

I exhale a sharp breath and smile, moving to his side. He drops my hands and takes a few steps forward before stopping and turning, waiting for an answer.

"Of course, Booth." I blush, "They are yours to keep… you deserve to know."


	8. Chapter 8

_Note: As some of you know I have disappeared for a few weeks. This is a very short chapter but a personal tragedy has taken away the time I used for writing. I am going to try to get back into regular writing but please understand during this time of grieving my writing may be infrequent or short._

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Watching as my partner hovers uncommitted in my bedroom doorway; I can't help but think of how it would be if I was safe in his arms instead of wrapped in these cold sheets hoping he doesn't notice the slight tremor my body has taken.

"Goodnight Booth," My voice lightly shakes but my body is too weak to let my eyes fall upon the damage I have done. Months of feeling worthless has left the man of my dreams with little more recourse then to run from the woman he has always ran to. Even if I can keep my love momentarily, the facts are clearly written in the sorrow filled eyes piercing my soul; I am unable to keep him for a lifetime.

"Night Bones," I can hear the smile in his words but the hesitation stabs my heart deeper then any words could.

"Need anything?" I prod, trying to break the tension in the room.

"Nope." His youthful laugh hides the mischief behind his eyes as mine finally fall onto his.

"Then why are you standing in my doorway in just your boxers, expectantly?"

"Just watching." He shrugs but the silence speaks of a desire in the waiting.

"I assure you, my sleeping patterns are very uniform and uninteresting. After the many occasions we have slept toge-... in the same room during a mission, I know you know my sleeping habits, Booth." I try to redirect his gaze but my words just force his eyes to narrow on my weak form. Stepping into my bedroom he takes a deep breath as his eyes sweep wide across the room, refusing to fall into the soft and inviting bed. As he approaches an overwhelming sense of longing and desire fills the small part of my heart I have left. Resist, Temperance, resist the urge to... oh hell, there is no use in denying it anymore. From the moment he laid eyes on me I knew I was gone.

As much as I have spent the last five years denying the truth, the fact is he has had my heart and always will. Even if I tried to deny it, we both know when he leaves he will always take a piece of me with him. Forever I will be bound to the man who within an instant changed more than just my mind, he changed my world.

"Booth..." I finally rasp out, unable to keep my arm from outstretching toward his inviting form.

"Cold Bones?" He offers as his hands drag slowly across my comforter, stopping short of the mound that is my warm body. "I am sure we could find a few more blankets to-"

"No," I interrupt with a growl, unable to keep my desperation from my lips, "I... I'm just... I think it would be best if..." I fumble but finally my fear takes over as his scent washing over me forces my eyes to roll closed in submission.

"Best if we did what?" His voice deepens as I feel the weight on the bed shift and his breath engulf me, "What does that squinty brain of yours say we _do_?"

And for the first time in my life I fall apart, letting my heart speak what my mind has spent years trying to place in predefined boxes of little substance. Without hesitation my only undeniable truth begins to slowly roll off my tongue.

"Everything." I lightly whisper, "God Booth... I... want everything."

As he slowly slides under the sheets I know this night will either be the beginning of something a lifetime in the making or the end of the fragile, slowly-beating heart of one desperate, rational scientist.


End file.
